How does reading this benefit You: - You get to...Read More
The Elegant Way of ordering a burger:
Shortcut to How to make Yourself Listened to by Others
How does reading this benefit You:
- You eliminate resistance either by being listened to or by focusing on something else without wasting your time
- You’re helping others improve by offering them solutions because it doesn’t help telling someone what they’re doing wrong without telling them what to do instead.
- You practice focusing on solutions instead of problems both for yourself and others.
Considering the Gene Keys, this helps you in the following Spheres from your Hologentic Profile: Life’s Work, Purpose in relationships, IQ, Core, Vocation, Culture, Brand
What waters your mouth more?
Some meat, bread, tomatoes, onion, cheese, lettuce served with some ketchup…
… a BURGER crafted exclusively to your taste?
When you’re at a restaurant, how would you order that burger?
Would you order it by telling the cook not to add mushrooms, mustard or to add bacon and another slice of cheese?
An example of a proper way to order the burger you like:
- “Hello! Are you serving burgers here?”
- “I’m really happy to sit in your restaurant and I really like that you can cook a burger according to my taste.”
- “I would like the burger to be with 1 extra slice of Gouda cheese besides the slice of cheese that’s already in there, remove the onion, add jalapenos and hot sauce and use an integral bun instead of the normal one.”
- “I really like the atmosphere in your restaurant and I’m very glad to be here!”
The Practical Shortcut: How to make Yourself Listened to by others
You might have sometimes the feeling that you “get it” before others do. That it’s so obvious and others still don’t get it.
This is a simple 4-step procedure to actually make yourself listened to by others.
This is applied best when you want to help someone change or do something different, but it works in other situations as well.
Here are the 4 steps:
1st – Ask for agreement
When you want to say something to help someone do something better or different, the first thing to do is to ask for agreement.
“May I tell you what I think?”, “Can share my perspective?”, “I want to tell you what I see. Are you interested?” – these kind of questions are enough to create a positive approach and to avoid resistance from others and feedback like “no one likes a smart-ass”.
This helps you because either that person is interested in listening to what you have to say and they will actually pay attention or, if they’re not, you don’t waste your time or theirs.
2nd – Mention what is good/ useful/ valuable/ important in that specific situation
This is about saying specifically something that you think is useful, positive and what good actions and/ or behaviors you noticed. It’s even a good opportunity for you to switch from focusing on the problem to focusing on the solution.
Make sure you tell them specific things. You can even identify clearly and specifically what you’re grateful for. The more delicate the situation may be, the better to be more specific.
3rd – Tell them only what and how they can improve on
This is where the magic happens. Tell them as clearly as you can what and how they can do things differently so that it helps them. Choose your words to be as simple and as specific as you would explain to a 7 year old baby or a computer that takes anything you say literally.
You know you did it right if there are only positive affirmations and negations are absent. (This sentence is an example of how you can do this. I didn’t say “Don’t tell them what not to do or what they’re not good at. I said tell them only what to do and what and how they can improve).
This helps you focus on how they can actually improve on (a.k.a. the solution) instead of what’s wrong (the problem). Focusing on the solution (or on how you want things to be) is way easier to get there that focusing on the problem.
It’s about using what you think is not ok and saying it already as how they could do better, without pinpointing what doesn’t work.
4th – End by telling them what you like and what is good
Here you go on by expressing yourself in more general way and usually you can say things about your gratitude, joy, trust in the fact that things get better.
If you want a specific example on this, you can view the story at the beginning of this text.
What can you do next?
If something that you found out from this page made you wanted to learn more, get more joy in that specific aspect of your life you’re thinking about or start getting the results you want, you can
If you’re ready to shape your world as you want it instead of adapting to it and do something valuable for yourself that will help you all your life from now on, you can contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org. The only factor that decides when your time has come is yourself.